Before the start of cuffing season, I met up with a friend at one of the few fast food places that was opened when some pandemic restrictions were lifted. We got together and began catching up with some topics like life during the lockdown, Netflix series, and plans that we both put aside when the pandemic began. Soon, we ended up talking about dating and relationships.
We had some discussions about how dating has changed during the pandemic and about what it was like looking for something long-term. I mentioned to her that I’m typically not a long-term person. She was shocked when I told her that so she commented with, “Look, dating and relationships can be frustrating, but you have to keep putting yourself out there!” My response was, “Can be frustrating?! You mean they ARE FRUSTRATING!”
She didn’t understand the part where I was trying to tell her that “Yes, they are frustrating but it’s not the end of the world if they are. It’s not hopeless.”
With the discussion we had while eating out, it got me thinking, “You know, there are some dating/relationship experts and coaches handing out some pretty sound advice, like be a nice gentleman, buy gifts, express all your feelings, etc. From what I’ve seen from that, something was not adding up.”
That same day, I went home and started looking at some relationship coaches from social media and started putting some pieces together. Now, this isn’t to say that all dating or relationship coaches and experts are like this. I noticed that there wasn’t any solid congruency when it came to the advice they preached or the advice their audience took. In a sense, their relationship/dating advice didn’t hold up some credibility.
If it’s one thing I was sure about, it was that I at least had some credibility when I told people, “Look, I’m the worst person to seek relationship or dating advice from. I will hand you advice that will put whatever relationship you have in jeopardy.”
The good thing about that was that as a single, 25 year-old male, I was a good example of what NOT to do in a relationship. So from that moment, I recognized that if I was going to be handing out some “credible, yet terrible” relationship or dating advice, it was going to be me. So here, I will share three terrible relationship/dating advice tips.
Your Soulmate Doesn’t Exist
You’ve always heard about people looking for “Mr. Right” or “the girl of their dreams,” but one thing that no one has told them is that their “soulmate” doesn’t exist. If I told this to my friend I met at the fast food place, I would have felt like I was in an interrogation room.
This is not to say that its a bad thing that your “soulmate” doesn’t exist. This just means that you are going to have to change your strategy. In this world, there are good people, and then there are bad people. If you want an improvement in not only your dating life, but in general, filter people out. Avoid and remove bad people from your life, and seek and accept good people into your life.
Seek Out A Complimentary Partner
You might be asking, “Well, I found some good people in my life, how do I chose who’s right for me?” Well, the answer may not be as straight forward as it seems. You heard other relationship sayings like “opposites attract” or “they are so alike,” but you are likely to face turmoil to boredom if you follow those sayings. Instead, find someone that is complimentary to your life. Let me give you an example so you know what I mean by this.
Let’s say that you’re really “street smart.” Your partner on the other hand, not so much. With your “street smart,” you are adding value to his or her life. Now lets say you are not the best cook but your partner is. He or she will add value to your life with his or her cooking skills. You both have things that can elevate each other’s lives. So essentially, the relationship is like a ying-yang.
If It’s Difficult, It’s Okay
Relationships are hard. Dating is hard. Just like everything else in life, it has ups and downs. The way I view relationships is that relationships are like a person. Two people get together to become one. Just like people, relationships have their own personality, habits, and behaviors. Which is why you see those “toxic” relationships work out somehow.
Just like there are toxic people, there are toxic relationships. Just like there are boring people, there are boring relationships. There really isn’t a guaranteed way to do it, but one ting for sure is that it is hard. If you can’t deal with the difficulty of the relationship, it’s okay. If you have the power to walk away from, do it. If you don’t, seek guidance or help from someone.
Final Thoughts
If you want a fulfilling and satisfying dating life or relationship, you do have to acknowledge that there are more than one soulmate. Your partner can elevate or hinder your life. Not a lot of things in life are easy. The most important thing is that if you want to see results, you’re going to have to put in some work.